I have written several blogs in the last 10 minutes, but I deleted them. I am upset, and I don't want to write something I will regret.
For that reason, I won't be asking for advice regarding my son's sleep habits on this blog anymore. It is a sensitive subject for me, and I am not going to feel like less of a mother regarding that subject anymore.
For the record: (for anonymous) - I never thought or said that Owen would one day learn not to need me. Yes, that is unrealistic, and I never thought that for a moment, regardless of what you might think. We have tried many things to get him sleeping through the night (which he actually did until he was 5 months old), and none of them have worked. So please don't accuse me of not doing anything about it up to this point. And you really have no idea what goes on here to tell me that the "longer it goes on" the more I am teaching him that he needs me to go back to sleep. The next time you comment, whomever you are , please keep your assumptions of how you believe we are doing things wrong out of it - because you really have no idea. I believe a do a pretty darn good job, and I refuse to feel like I am somehow failing my son because he will not sleep through the night despite our best efforts.
Our efforts will continue, and somehow Owen will sleep. But, I won't blog about it.
That is all I will say about it.
UPDATE: here I am feeling sad and like a failure, and I just realized that Owen is 8 months old today.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Done
Presented to you by Travis & Jeri Tidmore at 3:03 PM
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16 comments:
You are not a failure, You are a PRECIOUS MOM that loves her son.
I didn't mean to step on toes when I made my comment a few posts ago. I have two so I really can't rock to sleep like everyone else can. Even if I want to--everytime I get up one of them wakes up. It is just not possible around here in twin land. You are WONDERFUL MOTHER and you have precious son. You are doing a GREAT job and I don't know why people would comment and try to push their views on you. Not cool at all.
I will keep you and Owen in my prayers and pray that you figure out something. We started giving Noah a bottle at night because he was getting frustrated and it helped him sleep good. Every child is different. Happy 8 months!
You have a precious son!
I hope you are enjoying SA! Also,
I don't read books on that stuff--
my children are not book children, I just do what I think is best and get advice from other moms. :)
Have a happy day!
You are NOT a failure at all! Being a mother is the hardest and most important job we have. All children are different and need different things in life. As his mother, you know him better than anyone else in this world. Sometimes it just takes trial and error, other times you just have to wait for the child to grow out of it.
At some point or another we all feel like bad moms, let me be one (of hopefully many) to tell you that you are a wonderful mother.
Happy eight months to Owen!
Oh Jeri! I am so sorry you feeling this way. Seriously, every Mom struggles with not feeling adequate. I know I do often. MOST PEOPLE offering advice just want to share their experience in order to help you. Just know that we are all pushing for you! You are in no way a failure. In fact, your baby's sleeping and eating habits have NOTHING to do with success! Success for me is measured in love. You love him enough to ask for advice and do whatever it takes to help him sleep. By that measure you are very successful!
Happy 8 months little Owen!
I've never actually commented on a blog before, but I felt like I should say something. Emma is my little one and she is about 2 or 3 weeks younger than Owen. After reading a few of these posts, I think that you are trying your hardest to do what is best for your little one and that is all that anyone can ask. In my short 7 1/2 months as a mom, I think I have learned one thing more than anything else. You do your best as a parent to raise your child with the goal that he (or she) would grow up to love Jesus and be a good person in the world. How you do that looks different for everyone, but what matters is that you make the decisions you feel is best for your child because you know Owen better than anyone else does. No one is perfect at parenting and it is appropriate to seek advice when you need it, but don't feel like a bad parent or a failure when someone (solicited or unsolicited) chooses to raise their child a different way. You do what you think is best and that is what makes you good and very loving parent.
Jeri, I am with everyone else and think you are a great mom. Look at how happy Owen is...I know you and Travis love and care for him in ways that we will never know from this blog. You do what is right for you and your family! Love you (and still can't wait to meet him!)! We won't be at ACU Homecoming...it is too hard for us to get away with Kenny having to be at church on Sundays!
Lynlee still struggles to sleep through the night and she is 18 months old. I don't say that to discourage you but it is hard. She will have good nights and bad nights. I feel like there are some kids that are good at sleeping and some that just aren't. (She also sleep great until 4 months old!) I agree with you on the orignal post, we'll sleep when we're 50 :). Owen is so precious and you are a great mom!!!
ps. Are you going to Homecoming??
We've had the ups and downs of no sleeping too. Even though Clay sleeps through the night most of the time, we still have those fun nights when he wakes up three or four times TOTALLY inconsolable. Oh the joys of teething and growing pains! Everyone's been there and everyone has their own style. This too shall pass (hopefully quickly!). Just know that you're not the only mom up in the middle of the night- there's a lot of us right there with you!
I thought I better set the record straight before you disown one of your friends/family members for being anonymous...you don't know me, we've never met. I found your blog through a series of reading other blogs...you know how that goes. Anyway, this just goes to show that it is hard to interpret the tone someone is writing with because I didn't mean to come across as meaning you are a bad mom. Trust me, I am a mom and on an almost daily basis I beat myself up about how I've handled something with the kiddos, I would never intentionally put another mom down. My comment was based purely on my own experience with our first child and how things improved greatly with subsequent kiddos because we had to teach them to sleep without using a "crutch". The bottom line every mother has to do with what they are comfortable doing. Advice can be taken or left, but I in no way meant to put you down as a fellow mommy!
Happy 8 months old Owen! Love and miss you guys! Can't wait to see you at homecoming.
Jeri- you do a great job. Some babies sleep good and some don't. Just the different personalities. Like I told my friend that still lays down and puts her 12 year old to bed at night-do it they will be gone too fast. Enjoy every moment you can!
Love
CiCi
Even though I'm in the camp you don't like, you know as well as anyone that Zac didn't sleep all night until the night before I went in to have Jake--and that was only because he was in a cot next to my bed! Now I can hardly wake him up.
Hey Jeri, I have not been keeping up with your blog very well since school has started. I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Zane slept through the night until about 4 months when he started having some acid reflux. We have gotten the reflux under control, but the sleep I am afraid will never be the same. For example last night I got up 3 times between 8:30 and 2:00. Then at 2:00 John and I were both up until 3:30. After he finally went back to sleep I still had to get back up to console him at 4:30. I understand your frustrations. It seems that there is just nothing that we can do to make it better. I can't seem to come to terms with crying it out too. I know some people can do it but it just seems that is not what Zane needs right now.
You are doing a great job as a parent! Seeing you with Owen a few months back was amazing. Your family works so well together. You and Travis seem so happy. I know sleep would be nice, but we can all live on a little less with a good cup of caffeine in the morning. :) If you ever need anything at all even a venting session call me!!
I have to agree with all of the other moms, every kid is different. Aidan would NEVER sleep, unless he was with us, of course! I did briefly try letting him cry it out, but it wasn't for us either. Be assured that he does sleep now, all night, and doesn't always want to get up in the morning. Breckan loves to sleep, but not by himself, so he sleeps with Aidan. You are a GREAT mommy and believe me, we've all cried some tears over if we are doing a great job as a mom or not, but you have God as your backbone, and so that makes you already doing a much better job than most!!! Take care!
Mommy guilt and mommy pressure is just plain horrible. I'll tell you one thing, I never felt more guilt in my life over being a mom until I read the book "Mommy Guilt" that is supposed to rid you of guilt. It seems that often I hear in conversation proud statements from other mom's about how there baby does this or that, or slept for this many hours, or whatever. I give those Mom's very little credit, good or bad for these accomplishments . . . and I know in the back of my mind that even though there baby may sleep that way some nights, those are probably the very best nights on a bell curve. Babies aren't computers, you can't program them. You can't count on them to be predictable all the time. They just are what they are, and they just do what they do. And you do the best you can with what you know. And when you know better, you do better (Thank you Oprah). You are doing great! You are a wonderful Mom. Owen is so lucky to have parents who love him the 3rd time he wakes up in the night, and who want to share Christ with him.
Hey Jeri,
Hang in there! You are a fabulous mom, but the sleeping thing is tough--I don't care who you are. Garyn has been having a tough time sleeping too! when he was little he was a good sleeper, but now he's not the best. Ellie was a great sleeper from the get go. I have read books about the subject of sleep and have tried some of the suggestions, but I really do what I think is best in each individual situation. If Garyn is just a little fussy, I will let him cry, but if he's really upset and screaming and coughing, I will go and pick him up. I think he is just more needy than Ellie was. It's okay with me, though, because that just means that I get more snuggle time! :)
Hang in there and things will get better!
Jeri, You know I don't know everything about being a mom yet since I am only a mama to two puppies, but I do know you and know that you are an INCREDIBLE mom! I have seen many of my dear friends struggle with this same issue...it is like many other moms on here have said...every child is different and God made them that way. You know what is best for Owen...God intrusted him to you and Travis. He will give you the wisdom to make the right desicions for his life. Love you and can't wait to see you and meet Owen!
I am so behind on my blog reading ... that's why I am leaving a million comments. I just had to leave a comment to say that you just do what YOU are comfortable with and what works for YOUR family. Trust your mommy instincts. Owen will sleep through the night when he is good and ready :) I know that you are doing a wonderful job!
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